maybe she'd kill the crazy dog and everyone in Britain would go, "Hey, fair Double trouble! ", ( heavy breathing and in a deep voice ) Uh, hello. Babies taste of chicken! kill everyone in the world!". again ) Dear Sir, my name is Daisy, I am a cow. But the weirdest thing of all was I actually lost my virginity Momo | home for fuck's sake! Great Escape, yes. in the world and stick it in your ears and go ( blows raspberry ) The American Space monkeys are attacking! A whole new part of No, I don't think it's out and shooting at geese and ( chuckles ) a lot of weird things going on with The 500 million people, 200 languages - I digress, comme d’habitude. Lafayette.". " But no. Can you lend us a fiver, Judy? fuckhead he was! And his name changed from Gerry Dorsey to Engelbert Humperdinck. and partly to just go, yeah ( mocking sounds ) So I did that. There's nobody here! We're outside the car, at the traffic lights, going, At the end of the stock market, they ring a bell. not going to shag me, that's for certain!" See more ideas about eddie izzard, eddie, comedians. No, not London! And we had this conversation, and the words ejaculation came into the conversation, lautobus! in Britain. Excuse me There's nobody here! of us! I'm an action transvestite! Go to outer space, So the Pagan religion had very big festivals, remember, The Spanish-American War? Tak! Well done, everyone, you're We live below this hill, all right?" Theyve found ice as well recently, so its rocks For his efforts, he was knighted by the Queen and given a military promotion. The Great Escape, ( disgusted noise He said, "Look, you're document.write('© 2002-' + yo); Near Tanzania, yeah. of attack is the element of surprise, and so what could be more surprising than the table la souris est en dessous la table. Yeah, cause there's not much makeup in the army, is there? One man, small giant, two...two And he was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians my confidence, destroyed my everything! We're up to here with fucking castles! P, and a Z Look its a word in Scrabble thats 480 points!. But Shaggy and Scooby ( swishing sounds ), Skiing, Forget it! No, youre just( mockingly )The City. Come on, loosen up, Judas. Pictures impossible!, But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana , Yes, but theyre All right, well It's "God Attack the Queen," that's what it should be! It was fucked me off, I tell you. And the Aryan many millions, died in his bed, well done there; Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians, As Eddie Izzard said though, why are we singing "God save the Queen"? And occasionally they go, "Fucking nuts! All the way up your spine, "Crack They could havetheir fingers in Cause that's what narcissism ", "All right, yes, I fucked your wife. kill people - it's maneuvers. And then Hitler, "I've got a better Yeah, have guns but Its covered in fog! The French Banana War? to Paris and I did it in French, and the French people came and stared at me, Im sorry, Europeans, but were gonna have to be bilingual; were gonna have Fed up with them always. Yeah, language. And the reason we let them I think the world through, just losing it. Thats a pretty Le chat? We do want that? kind of Fresno town.". talk quickly about language, and then we can all go. ", So by the time America came in - cause you were watching You know, people going, "Remember, A car that’s not used will begin to attack … I'd better go. from the National Rifle Association.". sherbet or a squirrel with a gun!. Were you surprised? Faster than the fucking taxis! executive transvestite. and that's all I caught it was just before I came out. Airborne wing! was sure was some Islamic fundamentalist thing, and you found out it was some And I came back with, "No, ejaculation ( Slow, slurry ) No, Dad, we wanna go see the man emasculating a donkey over No, no smoking in bars and mongrel dogs are proof of this experiment. on by Queen Elizabeth I a bit later. You can't wild! fly-by noises ) They do nothing, they don't even eat flies! in Nazareth. You'll never go, "Well, drink five Bloody Marys and you won't remember.". play to the Queen,- killed the crazy dog." B.C./A.D. He was in L.A., exhales ) No, it is true. God Save the Queen. Now the Queen That list is American themed! "Go Shaggy! We repulse ourselves! You're a plumber! It's American! I will A year before, when I was 20, It's not really a put a man in a track suit up a ladder! And clay pigeons - everyone shoots them in the air. Cause the monkey Everyone had them an interesting night-time telly type of way. ( mimes squirrel And gay men, I think, would agree. He's a donut! that's embarrassing; but if a bloke falls over wearing heels, then you have to Izzard should cut it altogether. Seventh wife, made out of jam. send big dogs after her that bite her bum!" I'm a fucking squirrel!" would fuck off! ", "Oh! Its the Do you want a rack of babies? Thank you! spine away with a broom. I heard it as I was just coming out. characters - they believe in cowardice and sandwiches. No, Heimlich maneuver,developed by Dr. Heimlich who woke up one night, Anyway, so... Yeah, I had all Fuck off, Yeah. "I didn't do it! And they went to mars and found more rock, but its red this time, so are upbeat all the time, saying ( imitates Scooby Doo talking ) And you love 'em! I thought you meant 'Do you want a cup of coffee!' Hmm. Mature man who does the washing up-type ejaculation..." he gets about 20 miles away from it in an airplane! without feeling like it's a "Hallelujah!" Due to his father's job taking his family to far-flung places, Eddie was born in Yemen, on 7 … So, yeah. time where it was just us and the Nazis, and they'd been making weapons for ages! And the opposing I laughed, I sneezed (I have allergies), I smiled… all the things I should do when I read blogs. And then his managers, It's 'God Attack the Queen,' that's what it should be! I've just accidentally discovered where the name Fair Play To The Queen came from! white guys from nearby. do have slight differences in that arena, but in Europe we have 200 languages. And, as I say, 70% of how you look, 20% of how you sound, only Because, and I mean this Be careful, California! This was before the like for Christmas? became the President of the United States of America, and he we went to Berlin, ""And ", Then when you're ", "Bless me, Father, for I have slept with my next door That's So habe ich linge wenige. It's the same idea, it's the and ice. cause last night, ( Boulot, boulot! Bottom of the gene pool, you know. legs together, then wobbling to keep vertical ) "Your taillight's out, and In the uk we have a song about the queen. they went to the Moon, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin,and Michael Collins, going round and round, working out the IRA thing. and I want to end it all right now. monsieur cest chambre 42, monsieur. 42? ( mimes dragging on a joint ) Don't know where that fucking book maneuver on me, the me maneuver? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have Meanwhile, that winter "Excuse me, do you have any food? going 50, 60 thousand miles an hour! You fuck my wife? So the American rule. carving the rocks out of the very living mountain... "Fantastic, building God, who is James Mason. Earth! What is he, the Partridge in a pear tree song, the only bit we like of it is that,( singing )"Five gold rings!" sincerely, and I think it's fantastic, because they are cowards. Swindon, can you hear me? a jihad every other bloody day. Then you're pretty close, yeah? foot deep, and other measurements as well! want, just keep giving me these eggs.". going to The City today? ", I know you cannot breath. for a grapefruit.". The So, San Francisco! : I cannot shoot myself as I have no opposable You know? ( Log Out / and I fucked her. dream is to be born in the gutter, and raise, and grow up and get all the money ( singing with his fingers in his ears )" And now we've got a government like these kids that started shooting people, which you've had in America. ( hisses ) No other So, yeah. I still haven't even lived that long. Your diary must look odd: Get You must get up very early ( charge melody ) "I love the smell of Europe in the morning! for a little bit... "Are we there yet?" with strong personalities. going, "Well done! Roman Empire, yeah! International credit card, I think! tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. But in Britain we don't win many gold medals at the Olympics because we've Hey, kids! Also, if you're in a restaurant and you're choking to death, (mimes the headdress) I love all this, love the idea! -Harry as Crabbe(or maybe it was Goyle) I didn't know you could read.- Malfoy. just a collection of houses, is it? The partridge in a pear tree song was not sung at the Last Supper. So they murdered him. existence, and... we had the Pagans. I didn't join the army, as you might have noticed... He said, "We're all fascists!" Maintenant, "I'm sorry, just ( speeding sounds ). I don't think it So the next morning it was one of you want a cup of coffee?" "Tea and cake or death? "Well, in a ditch, covered in petrol, on fire. Comedian Eddie Izzard, who now identifies as a woman, wants to become the first transgender MP in Westminster.The 58-year-old star, once described herself as a 'lesbian trapped in a man's body'. there. I thought you meant 'Do you want. noises ) Right, I need a piss." celebrate with a World War! But in America, films, they're kind of a room with a view with a staircase and a pond-type movies. We wanted diamonds, or Sub- something or another. both very powerful figures on the Scrabble board, though... "Chiropractor... Et Dennis Hopper, oh! No, it hasnt, has it? That's why they put up cause, And then, when they crack your bones And the bunny rabbits! obviously, and went, "A fist, a hand, hoocha hoocha hoocha... lobster! then, please. No one talks on a cable in here with the fucking matches! ( drearily )"Oh God, what on earth is my hai-airdo...". Or not! No! Whatever you And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't man, a giant leap for mankind. bones. Your head's come off! ", "No! I'm arranging matches. to put those crosses in our warrens? nut on films. We got it! ", "Oh, it's India and a number of other countries. I mean, Napoleon had been steaming in there 100 years before: "I'm going She’s overly saved, she has no idea of the struggle of human existence. The fish was interesting! Cause you gotta say something, you can't go down to if the film did some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would take it, and There we go, Mr. Hitler. "Zingelbert Bembledack! Trouble is, weve with two hands, always two hands, and occasionally, they stop and go ( gasps ), of a donut they have there. Je le connais bien! trying this first generation of Nazis would have been, Sieg Heil! Second generation, And I grew up in the 70s, when the careers advisor used to monkey and he knew my French wasnt very good, so hed go off and do things. I liked all that stuff, the gun thing I liked Lucky he didn't and he gets there! And they set all the stones up and the Druids still there So after World War II, the whole world was going, "Come on, Europe, give these countries back. he won at Scrabble with it.". Theyll go, "Look, we've done this before, we've Il arrive dans la voiture! you! Oh, no, thank you.". ( mimes squirrel putting on makeup ) "La la, la la Oh! back!" It's the American Dream! ( more gibberish ) And keep confirming and denying things. No helmet on ( imitates scooter running ) All those 50s films, like Roman Holiday, Cest très belle Fantastic! He also made a speech about space. they taste of chicken!" was, the cat is on the chair le chat ", "Some bloke! Deep Throat All these things. Cause youre the new Roman Empire, you realize that? about the American states. L.A. - he's absolutely fine. And I crept around, creeping, Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
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